Meetings

i met a cat today. i dont know if it was a boy or a girl but i named it ki-cat. this cat ackts in the strangest ways, everytime i would stand up ki-cat would jump away from me and everytime i truned around ki-cat would swat at the back of my legs and try to bite me. ki-cat has the most beautiful pail golden/topaz eyes. with fur the color of saw dust but with the warmth of sand. i never tried to pick up and carry ki-cat all i ever did was scratched behid the ears and run my fingers down his spine till i got to the base of the tail and i would scratch there also. ki-cats mannerisms are very different from any other cat i can ever remember coming into contact with. ki-cat would only eat cat food, and completely ignored the fresh meet and skim milk that i brought out. he also had no problem coming inside the house and after some extensive exploration found my bed and curled up on the corner  where there was a nice cross breeze from my open window. ki-cat is also a very restless sleeper, i dont know if he was just having a dream or if he was just uncomfortable with the unfamiliar surroundings but when he wasnt squirming around ki-cat was very peaceful and quietly purring.

i had a dream that mommy was yelling at joey to not eat her yaoi cookies. (yaoi is another term for boys love stories)

this seemed so real to me that until i woke up i thought that it had really happened

things like this keep happening to me, that is i am starting to dream again, i wonder if it is because i am trying to open myself up to others and to myself, or could it be that i was just recently thinking that i wasnt dreaming anymore. i wonder if it could also be that im starting to realize that i must not be happy and this is my unconcious brains attempt to keep me off the deep end of depression and insanity.

i dont understand why i feel this way, i dont remember feeling and different but for some reason i dont think that im happy, i just feel empty, not really sad just empty.